Becoming is Hard and Awesome

I recently had my 2 older kids and my husband take the Enneagram. Thanks to an awesome coach, I took it a couple of years ago and it has been so helpful to me in better understanding myself. Each day we receive the “EnneaThought of the Day” via email. The two older kids are the same number. I get the emails and then text them to the kids as reminders. They are unconvinced of the value of this exercise at this point but they play along with me. This morning I texted them together. This is the contents of our exchange:

ME: Type Six EnneaThought® for November 10th. Make this Affirmation today: "I now affirm that I meet difficulties with calmness and confidence."

Boy child is 12 and Girl Child is 15.

BOY CHILD: Whaaaaa????

GIRL CHILD: Thank you for this beautiful insight into my young and developing mind

(Please note that my daughter was born with a Ph.D. in sarcasm. She is truly a master)

ME: I cannot stop laughing. I love you both so much.

[BOY CHILD], this just means to remind yourself when things get hard that you can choose to respond with calmness and confidence. It’s a good quality to have and something that we can all get better at.

BOY CHILD: Ohhhhh ok

GIRL CHILD: ❤️❤️❤️

The lesson that I am trying to learn is non-attachment, letting go. As a person with chronic and significant anxiety, my primary coping strategies have historically been control and feeling responsible for everything and everyone. I used to think that it was my job to not only share information but also that I had a right to expect a certain outcome. I do not have that right. Motherhood has taught me that lesson over and over. It has been so painful at times because I needed things to be a certain way in order to feel ok. That thinking caused so much pain for me and for the people I love most. Letting go of the need to control everything and everyone has been terrifying and also liberating. I highly recommend it.

Go slow, be kind to yourself, and remember it takes time to retrain your people to expect different things from you. Happy Saturday.

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