IYCSM was an amazing part of my healing process, because talking on that stage aided to me processing the places I have been in my recovery. It was the transparency for me on a platform like IYCSM. Where I was then was a place of healing but I didn't know I was whole yet.
What is happening now... I recently accepted that I am healed, and that it is important that I am no longer holding on to what used to be my story. It's not that I forget where I came from or forget the story, but I have accepted that I am healed and whole.
It's kind if like getting married and changing your last name. I'm no longer Mrs. Insecure or Mrs. Rejected. No one in my life is rejecting me, and I am no longer rejecting myself. I know now that I am not an imposter, and every table I am invited to is because I am enough, I bring enough, and I am loved. So now I am Mrs. Happy, going after the things that I want, not settling for those who are not ready, not saying no to myself about what I desire for my life, and saying yes to the best things in life that are for me. I'm happy, I'm blessed, I'm abundant, I succeed, I am joy, I give joy, I can laugh, I share laughter, I am love, I share love, I have peace, and I give peace. I'm married to the best version of myself. My name has changed, and this is the happiest time of my life.
I don't want this to sound narcissistic so let me clarify. I've released the things that needed to be released. Now I can really live in my dreams, and connect to the part of me that I've always wanted to be connected to. This means that I can connect and empathize with others without sabotage. I hope that by sharing this place and the space of where I am now will help someone else accept their wholeness... cause sometimes when you've always been broken it's easy to stay there because it is familiar and the way it's always been. But I'm living proof that that does not have to true. Just like recovery is possible, wholeness is possible too.
Jamie Reavis, CPRS CPRP