Message From a Friend
You’ve heard me say many times “Life is hard, and nobody knows what the hell they are doing.” Realizing this was such a gift to me because it opened me up to the potential for lifelong growth. When I discovered that there would never be a time that I would have it all figured out, I was free to explore and become comfortable with my continuous evolution. I was free to accept that I could see things differently tomorrow than I do today.
This afternoon I got the following message from Nanci Burn, a past #IfYouCouldSeeMe Project participant and podcast guest. She too has embraced the growth process in her own recovery and I wanted to share her experience with all of you because I think it could be helpful.
Recovery, and life, is never fully done. It is a process, a journey that is ever shifting and evolving. When we are listening and open we can learn so much. I’m including the link to Nanci’s podcast episode which she refers to in the message below.
With love and gratitude!
Listen to Nanci’s episode of the If You Could See Me podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/16452048
“I received a DM on IG today from an old friend saying they had been told about my interview (#21) on your podcast. After listening to it, they were upset by what I had to say concerning my early recovery and what I perceived as their reaction to it and to that time in general. This has shone a light on how wrong we can get things, how assuming we know what others are thinking/feeling is the wrong way to go always, and how, no matter how good our intentions may be, our words may STILL land with a firm THUD and still cause pain.
Right at minute 19:21 I say that my presence was uncomfortable for them. I said that they never told me this, but "I knew" it to be true. I was wrong. And in saying this I hurt feelings. They felt I made them sound like bad people. They are not, and I never intended that at all.
I was so grateful for them reaching out and giving me the opportunity to make further amends, to set something straight. And to make me remember how important it is to not assume we know what someone else is going through, or how they feel about us or about a current situation; how it is so important to step up and speak our truth and allow others to do the same. I don't think they know what a gift they gave me today.
Something has been tapping me on the head lately concerning this steps of Alcoholics Anonymous about making amends.
The actual step reads:
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
What we learn from working with others in AA is that the key is "became willing". What the step does NOT say is that if approaching someone to whom we have brought pain will cause MORE PAIN, then this act of making amends is best left undone. There are times when "unloading" our guilt is a selfish act that will make only us feel better but may possibly bring pain to the one to whom we are apologizing.“