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Cancer isn’t just cancer

Cancer isn’t just cancer. I knew from the beginning that this was not going to kill me and the cancer itself would be relatively short-lived. Excellent and expected.results at the oncologist yesterday. Surgery will happen as soon as possible but the cancer is contained and no further treatment will be required.

But there’s so much more that gets imprinted on you in this process. There's been so much uncertainty in my life and every time I think I've reached a higher level of healing and peace something new comes along to test that and flex the muscle further.

Maybe I'm over dramatic. I've been accused of this on occasion. Maybe it's adhd. These big emotions are part of that and of course I never knew because we learn about everything in such siloed and truncated ways. I grieve how so much of the story I've told myself over the years has been about how broken I am when it's really so much more than that. Mindful self-compassion and storytelling are my best therapy.

When things are uncertain my manager part tries to keep anxiety away by getting angry about all of the things I didn't know I didn't know and how life would have been so much better for me and everyone